Sometimes I really wonder if we’re ready. I know no one is ever ready to be a parent, it just happens, but are we ready to be pregnant?
I mean, I had no idea how bad morning sickness was going to be. I’ve been losing sleep and missing work so far because of it. I feel bad for not showing up at work, there have been days where I’m physically there, but mentally, I’m…Then, there’s the emotional/hormonal roller-coaster (hence me blogging at 2:30am). Honestly, I am definitely not ready for all these.
Then, the whole thing about feeling “forced” to get married just so parents feel less “embarrassed” about the fact that we’re pregnant but unmarried. It’s like, they’re happy to see us arbitrarily pick some random date and then waste money on a useless dinner party where no one really gives a shit about it. All just to “get married before tummy’s showing” because waiting until then or after the kid is born is “embarrassing”. Maybe someone would understand that I don’t want to do jack shit in the first trimester. I am too sick and tired to do anything, and at this time, I think my happiness and well-being is more important than anything else. I am definitely not ready for all these whoop-las and stupid pressure.
Finally, speaking of fatigue, I am so sick and tired of feeling so tired all the time. I am at the point where I envy all those women on those pregnancy forums claiming they “spent 20+ hours a day” or “husband did everything: cooking, cleaning…” and I feel guilty for feeling so exhausted and wanting only to nap. I just want him to understand that the first three months’ like that and it’s not my fault. I do want to do things with him and nap less, but when it hits me, like today, after cleaning 1/2 the house, I need a nap. And like tonight, I felt so sick after seeing all the people and cars and lights downtown. Maybe he’s right, I should’ve just stayed home and let him go get his damn pizza himself. I don’t think he’s ready for a pregnant me, though he might be ready to be a dad.
I’m hungry again and I’m craving for a McChicken! Good thing there’s a few McD’s in Richmond that opens 24 hours! At least I know there’s going to be a burger and fries ready for me.
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